you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
