dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
