the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
try to milk me bitch
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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