I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
