I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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