You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
