I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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