Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
