lets start a swedish sibling band together
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
