why didn't you poke me back
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
