they need to just BURY HIM!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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