The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
