How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
