I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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