No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
