I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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