Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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