i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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