just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
