Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
