I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
