i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
