Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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