Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dignity is for republicans.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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