if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
