I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
