You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
