So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
