I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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