so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
