I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
