Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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