Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
