I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
