I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
