I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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