Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
