Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
