quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
