I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
