Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
