I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize