found the other keg... it's in the tree
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Drunk is a universal language darling
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
