i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A bitchslap is in order.
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