you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
