Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
