My nipple is on Facebook.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
