waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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