if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
