So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Everclear isn't food dammit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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