I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
