yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
