Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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