it wasn't lemon gatorade
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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