So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
